Mental health and outlooks
Jun. 7th, 2005 01:54 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
bunnyjadwigaOnce upon a time I was discussing something (I believe that it was gossip over someone else's mental health issues) with someone I had grown to respect. The person commented that in the case of more than one person of their acquaintance, the person was unwilling to be friends with the acquaintance unless that acquaintance was taking their mental health meds, or words I interpreted to that effect.
Now, there's a long history of dysfunctional family stuff and other complications, as well as friendships and other relationships with people with mental health issues, in my background, and my reading of that statement positively rocked me. The way I read it, the person didn't feel these people were friends and so forth unless they were taking their meds. What they may really have meant, of course, was that they were unwilling to spend time with these people unless they were taking their meds. But the idea that someone would consider another person only worthy of friendship if they were chemically enhanced from their base personality/outlook terrified me. I truly read it that there were people out there that saw some variations of mental health problems as rendering the person unworthy unless 'fixed'.
Now, as usual, the writer is not responsible for what goes on in the reader's head. And in fact I know people who do feel that way. I know that behaviors can kill love and friendship-- goodness knows I've done it myself. But I think that I don't like people who can't say "I love you/am fond of you but I can't be around you until things change" rather than "You're not part of my life anymore." I've spent a lot of my past beating my head against the walls of certain social disabilities, and over time I learned that there were people who loved me even though I had those problems, people who loved me and those problems didn't really matter one way or the other to them, and then people who couldn't stand the problems. And I began to realize that we are all a lot happier if I get myself away from people who can't stand my issues, as well as working on my issues.
Because, while things in my life do need to change, and I'm still working and growing (hey, it's only been over 19 years I've been on this whole roller coaster ride of working on my family issues and other stuff, if someone can't deal with me as a person first, neither one of us is going to be happy with our interactions. If something is a barrier in my friendship with someone, and I'm not actively hurting them with it (like lying to them), and it doesn't get better, then rather than beating us both up about it, it's time to move on.
Now, there's a long history of dysfunctional family stuff and other complications, as well as friendships and other relationships with people with mental health issues, in my background, and my reading of that statement positively rocked me. The way I read it, the person didn't feel these people were friends and so forth unless they were taking their meds. What they may really have meant, of course, was that they were unwilling to spend time with these people unless they were taking their meds. But the idea that someone would consider another person only worthy of friendship if they were chemically enhanced from their base personality/outlook terrified me. I truly read it that there were people out there that saw some variations of mental health problems as rendering the person unworthy unless 'fixed'.
Now, as usual, the writer is not responsible for what goes on in the reader's head. And in fact I know people who do feel that way. I know that behaviors can kill love and friendship-- goodness knows I've done it myself. But I think that I don't like people who can't say "I love you/am fond of you but I can't be around you until things change" rather than "You're not part of my life anymore." I've spent a lot of my past beating my head against the walls of certain social disabilities, and over time I learned that there were people who loved me even though I had those problems, people who loved me and those problems didn't really matter one way or the other to them, and then people who couldn't stand the problems. And I began to realize that we are all a lot happier if I get myself away from people who can't stand my issues, as well as working on my issues.
Because, while things in my life do need to change, and I'm still working and growing (hey, it's only been over 19 years I've been on this whole roller coaster ride of working on my family issues and other stuff, if someone can't deal with me as a person first, neither one of us is going to be happy with our interactions. If something is a barrier in my friendship with someone, and I'm not actively hurting them with it (like lying to them), and it doesn't get better, then rather than beating us both up about it, it's time to move on.
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no subject
Date: 2005-06-07 11:24 am (UTC)It took me an amazingly long time to think, "Well, when people don't like you, it's a good idea to keep away from them if you can." There was nothing I ever heard that suggested this sane and delightful course.
(Mind you, I did know that my mother's view that people who disliked me were Particularly Valuable Company for Me was ridiculous. And she was one of the people whose acquaintance I dropped. Really far too late.)
no subject
Date: 2005-06-07 01:30 pm (UTC)I'm not saying that people should be chemically enhanced - I am saying that there are people out there who are pretty toxic to a happy life and unless they're working on their issues - through drugs or therapy or yoga or whatever it takes, sometimes it's a bad idea to let them get too close to you.
I do, however, agree with you on the "I love you but I can't be around you statements"...
no subject
Date: 2005-06-07 04:20 pm (UTC)I have many people that I count as friends, and whose friendship I value, and yet I cannot cope with their company when they're off their meds (or said meds are otherwise out of whack). So I simply keep away when that's happening -- but I DON'T keep away when their meds are back in order -- and should they ask, I hope I have the guts to tell them what's up. Ending the friendship seems like much too high a price to pay unless something truly serious happens.
*hugs*
Well - A deep subject
Date: 2005-06-07 05:25 pm (UTC)