Objects in the rear-view mirror...

They say he crashed and burned
I know I'll never learn
Why any boy should die so young...

About this time 5 years ago, Christoph of the shire of Eisental was killed when some kid in the opposite lane of 309 lost control of the car he was driving and front-ended Christoph's car. Our parents, of course, all said "he must not have been wearing a seatbelt" and we all pointed out that when you are hit in the chest by your car's engine, a seatbelt won't do a damn bit of good. So this morning I was listening to Meatloaf in the car and crying my eyes out.

Christoph was one of those quiet guys who make things so much better just by being around. He never seemed to be that opinionated, but somehow by being un-opinionated and not seeing the point of our differences he soothed us all down. He was really good at cheering people up and making them feel good, almost as good as he was at building things. He claimed, once, to be an agnostic Satanist (I remember asking him if that meant when he died he was going to heck, and he figured it did). He was somewhat shy and never wanted to take a leadership role (it took all our united efforts to trick him into court to get his award of arms, and I think he only let us do it because it made us happy). He was always ready to lend a hand or an ear. When I heard about his death, all I could think of was "Why did it have to be the best of us?" He and I weren't even that close, but his death left a hole in my life.

The thing I learned, right there and then, is that you never know. Anybody can walk out the door in the morning and you may never see them again. Any words you say to them may be the last ones you ever say. Tomorrow ain't promised, it ain't guaranteed. It can happen to anyone, any time.

Christoph's passing marked the end of an era in our group, and things were falling apart between people even as it happened. But we got together, most of us, at the homestead and shot half his ashes out of a cannon (which he would have loved) and buried the rest under a tree on the hillside. I'm sure he was somewhere laughing his ass off watching us try to plant that damn tree and put up a fence around it, because we completely bungled it, and we could all hear him in our heads telling us to hand him that shovel and he'd do it. A lot of things have changed since then, and we butt heads way too much, but we always remember and it gets to most of us...

9/11 happened a few months after Christoph was killed. I reacted a bit differently than other people because of the lesson I felt I'd learned, that it could happen to anyone, any time. When I heard of all the ways the disaster could have been worse, I took a certain atavistic comfort in thinking of Christoph's spirit out there trying to help.

But somewhere, back in the back of my mind, there's still this feeling that I'll see Christoph, sometime, just wander in to one of our events and start saying hi to everyone. Objects in the rear view mirror do appear closer than they are. I miss you, Christoph, whereever you are.