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bunnyjadwiga) wrote2007-11-02 11:50 am
bunnyjadwiga) wrote2007-11-02 11:50 am
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Quick farm glossary
I went home last night and was asked "what's a heifer?"
So...
Heifer: virgin or nullipara cow. One can, in fact, have a pregnant heifer, but once it has had a calf, it is just a cow. From the time it reaches sexual maturity until near its first partuition, its goal in life is to hump anything and everything, and escape in order to hump more things.
Steer: Neutered male of the cattle persuasion. Meat on the hoof, and stupider than any groop of human male teenagers in a high-school hall.
ox: animal of the cattle persuasion, usually a neutered male used for draft or heavy labor purposes.
Ewe: Female sheep. Surprisingly fierce when irritated.
Ram: male (uncastrated) sheep. As most males kept for breeding purposes only, generally very touchy.
Wether: male, castrated sheep. Generally kept nowadays for mutton. The bachelor uncle of the sheep herd.
Doe: female of many different animal pursuasions, including rabbits.
Buck: male of many different animal pursuasions, including rabbits. In captivity, the adult male rabbit tends to be extremely laid back, escaping only in pursuit of interesting foods and females, and usually willing to be re-captured by what he recognizes as the steady provider of same, i.e., breeder/owner. (This is in contrast to the adult female, who believes that it is her god-given right to escape and have as many babies as possible in the most dangerous spots.)
Kit or kitten: a term for the young of several small furry mammals, including rabbits, though the pet rabbit owners tend to use the term "bunny" instead.
Queen: a term for a female cat, generally the unneutered ones, whose life ambition is to get knocked up and have a messy litter of kittens on your most expensive cloth or similar in some place where she cannot possibly moved and can cause the most trouble. She will defend her kits fiercely for about 2 weeks, after which she will appeal to you to remove these parasites infesting her belly as often as possible.
Goat: an animal dedicated to the proposition that when chaos, destruction and disorder have been accomplished, his/her job here is only just begun.
Billy: smellier (male) version of goats, tending to random violence and escapism.
Nanny: (female) Milk-giving version of goats, dedicated to the proposition that violence does too solve things, and escapism is just a way to avoid being bothered.
Kid: a small goat dedicated to getting stuck someplace he or she cannot get out of, thus causing immense fuss and bother and a great deal of noise-production from its female progenitor. See lamb.
Chicken: Like bats, but messier, smellier, and with sharp beaks. Also not as cute. Oh, and they do lay eggs, when they feel like it. Basically, a stupid version of the least helpful and cooperative administrative assistant you've ever encountered.
So...
Heifer: virgin or nullipara cow. One can, in fact, have a pregnant heifer, but once it has had a calf, it is just a cow. From the time it reaches sexual maturity until near its first partuition, its goal in life is to hump anything and everything, and escape in order to hump more things.
Steer: Neutered male of the cattle persuasion. Meat on the hoof, and stupider than any groop of human male teenagers in a high-school hall.
ox: animal of the cattle persuasion, usually a neutered male used for draft or heavy labor purposes.
Ewe: Female sheep. Surprisingly fierce when irritated.
Ram: male (uncastrated) sheep. As most males kept for breeding purposes only, generally very touchy.
Wether: male, castrated sheep. Generally kept nowadays for mutton. The bachelor uncle of the sheep herd.
Doe: female of many different animal pursuasions, including rabbits.
Buck: male of many different animal pursuasions, including rabbits. In captivity, the adult male rabbit tends to be extremely laid back, escaping only in pursuit of interesting foods and females, and usually willing to be re-captured by what he recognizes as the steady provider of same, i.e., breeder/owner. (This is in contrast to the adult female, who believes that it is her god-given right to escape and have as many babies as possible in the most dangerous spots.)
Kit or kitten: a term for the young of several small furry mammals, including rabbits, though the pet rabbit owners tend to use the term "bunny" instead.
Queen: a term for a female cat, generally the unneutered ones, whose life ambition is to get knocked up and have a messy litter of kittens on your most expensive cloth or similar in some place where she cannot possibly moved and can cause the most trouble. She will defend her kits fiercely for about 2 weeks, after which she will appeal to you to remove these parasites infesting her belly as often as possible.
Goat: an animal dedicated to the proposition that when chaos, destruction and disorder have been accomplished, his/her job here is only just begun.
Billy: smellier (male) version of goats, tending to random violence and escapism.
Nanny: (female) Milk-giving version of goats, dedicated to the proposition that violence does too solve things, and escapism is just a way to avoid being bothered.
Kid: a small goat dedicated to getting stuck someplace he or she cannot get out of, thus causing immense fuss and bother and a great deal of noise-production from its female progenitor. See lamb.
Chicken: Like bats, but messier, smellier, and with sharp beaks. Also not as cute. Oh, and they do lay eggs, when they feel like it. Basically, a stupid version of the least helpful and cooperative administrative assistant you've ever encountered.
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:-D
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kidschildren.We loved it when folk asked us how many kids we had (and didn't specify)
Chicken: smarter than they look, they will spend time in the garden pretending to eat bugs while actually hollowing out your favorite produce.
Rooster: The unpredictable alarm clock... often broken and will aggressively attack if you try to hit the snooze button.
Turkey: (Tom or Hen, it matters not) Most stupid bird alive, constant occupation is looking for a new, and not so inventive, way to die.
Goose: Very aggressive and very loud, they will warn you of everything and at all hours. You shall be protected from apples falling from the trees, the meter-man, door to door sales people and even your family.
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In the sheep category, but as meat:
Lamb is from a young animal, mutton is from a mature animal. Some years ago, I was told that there is yet another category (rarely mentioned) between the two categories.
I've forgotten the term. Can you help?
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Between lamb and mutton
http://www.ams.usda.gov/standards/lamb-car.pdf
Re: Between lamb and mutton
Two tooth is another way of saying, old enough to eat, but still close enough for government work.
Re: Between lamb and mutton
Billy Goats
Re: Billy Goats
Re: Billy Goats
:)
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The characterizations are corroborated by my own (admittedly limited) observations.
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