bunnyjadwiga

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Yesterday, after his Robotics class, I told Beekman we were going to pick up some nuts before we went home. He was VERY invested in going home for screentime, either TV or gaming on the tablet, so he did not want to go. He was gretzing and whining, but I said, it will be quick, and then we'll go right home.

By the time we reached the small mom'n'pop nuts store, he was still upset, and when I told him he had to come in with me, he burst into sobs and tears. (This is his usual way of showing REALLY extreme disapproval of parental dictates; fortunately it doesn't happen often.)

Standing there with him outside the car, I made some calculations. I had said we were going to go get the nuts, and that he had to come with me. I was reasonably sure that nothing at this point was going to allow him to get himself back under control but a long session of grieving and then, eventually, getting what he wanted. And he was going to get what he wanted; he was going to get screentime after we got home and did his homework. I did not want to punish him for wanting what he wanted, nor did I want to reward him for the anger/tears by giving him what he wanted (not going into the store).

So, I took my crying five year old into the store, ordered the three things I needed, while talking softly to him and telling him it would be all right. I also asked him if he wanted some candy. We were the only customers, and the proprietor asked, in a fatherly way, why he was crying. I explained that he was learning a hard lesson about how sometimes we don't get what we want when we want it, but have to wait a little. "Ah," said the proprietor, not in a disapproving way. In the end, I bought some candy to share with Beekman, and the proprietor also threw in a free candy bar for Beekman. (Throwing in a free something for the kid appears to be common in the mom-and-pop stores around here.)

On the drive home I explained that I was totally sympathetic with his disappointment about how he hadn't gotten what he wanted when he wanted it, and that I understood that he couldn't stop crying right now. (Had I had other errands in mind, I would have abandoned them.)

Beekman and I went home, where he rejected the candy, and did some of his homework snuggled up in my bed, with sporadic bouts of sobbing; eventually, despite saying he didn't need a nap, he napped. When woken up for dinner, he was cheery, ate dinner, did his homework, and got screentime.

He didn't scream, howl or yowl, he just cried/sobbed. And no other customers were impacted. And this is exactly the way I vowed I would treat this problem way back when I was a tweenager and watched my brothers throw tantrums to get out of going places they found boring. But I'm fully aware that this is exactly the kind of parenting that makes teenagers and militantly childfree people look down on parents.

Which leaves me in that liminal space so common to parents, of not being sure whether acting according to one's priciples is immoral or not. :)