How to make Figgee (pudding)
Dec. 12th, 2007 12:05 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
bunnyjadwiga1. Sign up to bring a vegetable side dish for the Library Holiday Lunch.
2. Fuss over what period dish to bring this year. Decide on Flooded Apples.
3. At the last minute (the day before the day before) decide instead to make Figgy Pudding.
4. Look up the 2 recipes for Figgee in Take a Thousand Eggs.
5. Send roommate out for figs, a pomegranate, wine, and pine nuts, intending to make both versions.
6. The day before, get involved in something complicated until 11 pm.
7. Unpack the three rounds of figs, and unsquish them in order to remove the stems.
8 a. Wash large stainless steel pot usually used for popcorn.
8. Place figs in large stainless steel pot. Add wine to cover.
9. Bring to a boil and simmer.
10. 15 minutes later, Add more wine to cover.
11. 15 minutes later, Poke figs, add more wine to cover.
12. 20 minutes later, give up and dump entire 2 l. bottle of wine in and simmer.
13. When figs are soft and squishy, turn off heat.
14. Get out food processor. Put some figs in using wire ladle.
15. Realize grinding blade is not in food processor.
16. Try all the similar looking grinding blades in the food processor box. Find bits off all other food slicing, grinding, mincing, or squishing equipment 2 foodies can own.
17. You and roommate tear kitchen apart looking for food processor blade removed on Sunday in process of making latkes.
18. Find food processor blade. Remove damp, hot figs in wine from food processor. Put blade in.
19. Put figs back in food processor. Grind.
20. Add more figs. Grind.
21. Repeat until food processor is full.
22. Attempt to pour out fig paste from food processor.
23. Realize what the recipe decription 'stondying' means.
24. Scrape fig paste into a bowl with rubber spatula.
25. Grind rest of figs, add some of the paste from the bowl.
26. Check Breadcrumbs for unfriendly visitors. No unfriendly visitors.
27. Add several palmsful of breadcrumbs and half of wine from boiling to food processor.
28. Watch while it becomes a beautiful glossy mixture.
29. Realize that you will still have to boil this mixture again. Panic.
30. Have roommate rummage through Mustard kit for another bottle of red wine. Consider punting with unopened red grape juice. Find bottle burgundy.
31. Mix burgundy with fig paste to desired consistency. Return to pan.
32. Mix more burgundy, more breadcrumbs, and remaining fig paste to desired consistency in food processor and add to pan.
32 a. Realize that paste sticks better to spatula than anything else, Wrestle most of paste into pan anyway.
33. Remember about raisins. Talk Roomate through hunting through cupboards for black raisins. Settle for yellow ones, so they will be more visible.
34. Add raisins a bit at a time, but finally succumbe to temptation and put whole 3/4 cup in. Add ginger, cinnamon and galingale.
34a. Add more wine.
34b. Decide it needs mace. Hunt through all nearby spice cupboards and baskets. Begin muttering darkly about why I can't find the mace when I need it, we have about 5 containers, mumble mumble mumble. Give in and use pre-ground Nutmeg that the boss gave you last year to go with the holiday Eggnog-and-spiced-rum.
35. Begin heating the figgy on low, stirring and scraping (with a second, silicone spatula) continuously to avoid burning.
36. Think about how much wine went into the dish. Consider the site of the party. (Methodist Archives).
37. Worry that the spirits of dead Methodists will be offended, and the withered thumb of Charles Whosis * will leap out of its safety-pin-and-bead reliquary, clear out of the glass case, and rise up against the party.
38. Remind yourself that you have cooked the BeJesu0s, if not the Whitfield, out of this dish, and wine in medicine is ok with Methodists. Or at least Bronson Alcott. Decide that the General Commission of the Archives will not mind.
39. Keep stirring. Turn heat to medium-low in the hopes of someday going to bed.
40. Suddenly realize that you have once again used half the pots and bowls in the kitchen. Anticipate a grumble from roommate.
41. Attempt to clean up kitchen while still stirring Figgy.
42. Suddenly realize you need to pack this dish up.
43. Attempt to investigate plasticware cupboard while still stirring figgy.
44. Realize your only hope is one of those nesting plastic bowls with lids from the dollar store.
45. Keep stirring figgy.
46. Make a break to the pan cupboard to find lid of bowl.
47. Frantically stir and scrape bubbling figgy, only to discover most of it is still not warm enough.
48. Continue to stir figgy. Wonder darkly how "stondying" is "stondying" after all. Make little canyons in the pudding. Decide it is not thick enough.
49. Tell yourself this would have been much easier in the microwave.
50. Decide pudding is thick enough.
51. Realize that you are not strong enough, nor do you have enough arms, to hold pot up by handles on each side while scraping figgy into bowl with spatula in third hand.
52. Give up and use a ladle, kicking yourself for making more dishes.
53. Decide that figgy is not thick enough after all.
54. Begin heating and stirring remaining figgy in pan.
55. Realize that walls of canyon in figgy in bowl are holding steady. Decide figgy is in fact thick enough.
56. Ladle and scrape figgy into a bowl. Use first spatula to scrape figgy off second spatula.
57. Consider scraping figgy off of other surfaces in kitchen. Give up.
58. Close bowl, put in fridge, and go to bed.
59. Hope desperately you will remember figgy when leaving house tomorrow. Also pomegranate for topping.
* George Whitefield, actually, now that I come to look it up.
2. Fuss over what period dish to bring this year. Decide on Flooded Apples.
3. At the last minute (the day before the day before) decide instead to make Figgy Pudding.
4. Look up the 2 recipes for Figgee in Take a Thousand Eggs.
5. Send roommate out for figs, a pomegranate, wine, and pine nuts, intending to make both versions.
6. The day before, get involved in something complicated until 11 pm.
7. Unpack the three rounds of figs, and unsquish them in order to remove the stems.
8 a. Wash large stainless steel pot usually used for popcorn.
8. Place figs in large stainless steel pot. Add wine to cover.
9. Bring to a boil and simmer.
10. 15 minutes later, Add more wine to cover.
11. 15 minutes later, Poke figs, add more wine to cover.
12. 20 minutes later, give up and dump entire 2 l. bottle of wine in and simmer.
13. When figs are soft and squishy, turn off heat.
14. Get out food processor. Put some figs in using wire ladle.
15. Realize grinding blade is not in food processor.
16. Try all the similar looking grinding blades in the food processor box. Find bits off all other food slicing, grinding, mincing, or squishing equipment 2 foodies can own.
17. You and roommate tear kitchen apart looking for food processor blade removed on Sunday in process of making latkes.
18. Find food processor blade. Remove damp, hot figs in wine from food processor. Put blade in.
19. Put figs back in food processor. Grind.
20. Add more figs. Grind.
21. Repeat until food processor is full.
22. Attempt to pour out fig paste from food processor.
23. Realize what the recipe decription 'stondying' means.
24. Scrape fig paste into a bowl with rubber spatula.
25. Grind rest of figs, add some of the paste from the bowl.
26. Check Breadcrumbs for unfriendly visitors. No unfriendly visitors.
27. Add several palmsful of breadcrumbs and half of wine from boiling to food processor.
28. Watch while it becomes a beautiful glossy mixture.
29. Realize that you will still have to boil this mixture again. Panic.
30. Have roommate rummage through Mustard kit for another bottle of red wine. Consider punting with unopened red grape juice. Find bottle burgundy.
31. Mix burgundy with fig paste to desired consistency. Return to pan.
32. Mix more burgundy, more breadcrumbs, and remaining fig paste to desired consistency in food processor and add to pan.
32 a. Realize that paste sticks better to spatula than anything else, Wrestle most of paste into pan anyway.
33. Remember about raisins. Talk Roomate through hunting through cupboards for black raisins. Settle for yellow ones, so they will be more visible.
34. Add raisins a bit at a time, but finally succumbe to temptation and put whole 3/4 cup in. Add ginger, cinnamon and galingale.
34a. Add more wine.
34b. Decide it needs mace. Hunt through all nearby spice cupboards and baskets. Begin muttering darkly about why I can't find the mace when I need it, we have about 5 containers, mumble mumble mumble. Give in and use pre-ground Nutmeg that the boss gave you last year to go with the holiday Eggnog-and-spiced-rum.
35. Begin heating the figgy on low, stirring and scraping (with a second, silicone spatula) continuously to avoid burning.
36. Think about how much wine went into the dish. Consider the site of the party. (Methodist Archives).
37. Worry that the spirits of dead Methodists will be offended, and the withered thumb of Charles Whosis * will leap out of its safety-pin-and-bead reliquary, clear out of the glass case, and rise up against the party.
38. Remind yourself that you have cooked the BeJesu0s, if not the Whitfield, out of this dish, and wine in medicine is ok with Methodists. Or at least Bronson Alcott. Decide that the General Commission of the Archives will not mind.
39. Keep stirring. Turn heat to medium-low in the hopes of someday going to bed.
40. Suddenly realize that you have once again used half the pots and bowls in the kitchen. Anticipate a grumble from roommate.
41. Attempt to clean up kitchen while still stirring Figgy.
42. Suddenly realize you need to pack this dish up.
43. Attempt to investigate plasticware cupboard while still stirring figgy.
44. Realize your only hope is one of those nesting plastic bowls with lids from the dollar store.
45. Keep stirring figgy.
46. Make a break to the pan cupboard to find lid of bowl.
47. Frantically stir and scrape bubbling figgy, only to discover most of it is still not warm enough.
48. Continue to stir figgy. Wonder darkly how "stondying" is "stondying" after all. Make little canyons in the pudding. Decide it is not thick enough.
49. Tell yourself this would have been much easier in the microwave.
50. Decide pudding is thick enough.
51. Realize that you are not strong enough, nor do you have enough arms, to hold pot up by handles on each side while scraping figgy into bowl with spatula in third hand.
52. Give up and use a ladle, kicking yourself for making more dishes.
53. Decide that figgy is not thick enough after all.
54. Begin heating and stirring remaining figgy in pan.
55. Realize that walls of canyon in figgy in bowl are holding steady. Decide figgy is in fact thick enough.
56. Ladle and scrape figgy into a bowl. Use first spatula to scrape figgy off second spatula.
57. Consider scraping figgy off of other surfaces in kitchen. Give up.
58. Close bowl, put in fridge, and go to bed.
59. Hope desperately you will remember figgy when leaving house tomorrow. Also pomegranate for topping.
* George Whitefield, actually, now that I come to look it up.
